Got to get you into my life… Even if it’s brief

I’ve been thinking about writing this post all week and had been pretty happy about the topic, although it’s tinged with a little sadness now. That’s ok though. I still want to honor these people.

There are some people who pop into your life and make a huge difference. You may know them for the briefest of periods but they make an indelible mark on your life. They set you on a new path or show you things that you never thought were possible for yourself. Sometimes you get to thank them and sometimes they change your life forever and they haven’t a clue what they did for you.

I’m young but I would say I’ve been lucky enough to have a few such people in my life.

The first is someone I met on vacation a few years ago. His name was Kevin. I was in a relationship at the time and thought that the guy I was with was all I could hope for for my future. I didn’t have a lot of self esteem and I thought that I had to put up with poor behavior. I thought I didn’t deserve to have a man who put me first. I thought I was only good enough to be the little wife, to jump through hoops, to depend on a man. I’m a small town girl, some of us are trained to find a good provider and to depend on him for the most part. I just had completely forgotten who I was at this point in time. Kevin reminded me. He was full of life. He laughed and danced when there was no music around. He quoted Joe Dirt. He was kind and didn’t expect anything in return. He said, “What’s the rush to get married? You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you.” Simple enough stuff and I rolled my eyes at him, but after hanging around him and his friends for the better part of a week, I started to love life a little again. I started to want more for myself. I saw that there were nice men out there. I had fun for the first time in months and I wanted more. I went home and changed my life. It wasn’t easy and it took a few months for it to all set in. I made some whoppers of mistakes along the way but I will never forget Kevin who popped in and reminded me that I’m awesome and deserve everything life has to give.

The next person that made a huge mark on my life is a woman named Marcia. I’ve never actually spoken to her and she has no idea I exist haha. I was at a meeting and she was the speaker. The things she spoke about really resonated with me. She had had some problems in her past. She had stopped the destructive behavior but still wasn’t happy. In fact at one point in time, her husband told her she was a miserable bitch who needed to change her life. Harsh words but they were a catalyst for her… and Me. I had stopped doing some of my destructive behavior but I was ashamed of myself and I was unhappy and at my wit’s end for figuring out how to deal with all of these things. Marcia had found a God of her own understanding, she had gotten involved in groups, put herself out there and had been working for a counseling center that she was truly proud of.

At this time I had been rolling it around in my head that maybe I should go back to counseling. Maybe I should find some help to deal with all my problems and fears and my past? I just wanted to be better. I wanted to be able to handle life and the people God put in it for me. I thought about it for a week or two and then I hit a sort of rock bottom emotionally. I decided I needed a change. I kept thinking about Marcia. I googled her and found her company. I took the huge step of calling the company and talking to someone. I remember crying on the phone, telling the secretary my issues so she could properly place me with a counselor. I didn’t get Marcia haha, but I got someone else who has been a tremendous help to me. She’s shown me compassion and understanding. I have made leaps and bounds in the past few months. So Marcia led me to the help that I needed and yet another person who has made a mark on my life.

The last person who has made an indelible mark on my life is someone I’ve loved whole heartedly. We were together for a few months. It was a whirlwind. It was tumultuous. It was happiness and sadness and anger and intimacy all rolled into one. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew someone could love and accept me like he did.

I met him at a time in my life when I needed him but at a time that made us doomed from the start. We were both a bit of a mess when we met. Thing is, he cleans up easier than I do haha. His life started coming together and I realized that if I wanted to be in it that I needed to work on my life. It made me want more for myself, not just because of him, but because I deserved more. I no longer deserved to be a shell of a person. I no longer deserved to have that constant feeling of being lost and feeling sorry for myself, of not knowing who I am or what I wanted. I deserved to have happiness and success and love. He made me feel safe. He helped me to feel that it was ok to stare my past down and kick it to the curb.

I believe that I would have eventually figured out that I needed to deal with my past but it would have taken a lot longer. I was lucky enough to meet him and have the chance to deal with this now. Walking away from our relationship was hard and now I think it’s time to walk away from the friendship. That’s heart wrenching realizing I’ll not have the future I was hoping for or the love and support I’ve become accustomed to, but God put him in my life briefly and it’s been wonderful. I am forever grateful to Him and to him.  I have been given the chance to move my life forward. I have been given that chance early in life and I will not squander it.

Some people do amazing things for you and hopefully you get the chance to show them how thankful you are for it. Other times, you just have to put good thoughts about them out into the universe and hope karma is good to them. I am indebted to God, who put these people in my life no matter how brief it’s been. I hope to meet more people like them, but hopefully I won’t be so lost that I need them so often. Indelible mark people are a blessing. I am forever grateful.

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2 Responses to Got to get you into my life… Even if it’s brief

  1. Michael says:

    That’s an awesome way to look at it Rachel. Very proud of you!
    Love, Michael

  2. Paul Marsano says:

    Rachel….very profound. Keep on keeping on! Uncle Paul

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