It’s Getting Better All the Time

I lost some focus in previous weeks and started feeling sorry for myself again. It’s an ebb and flow kinda thing. I thought I was doing better towards the middle of the week but then I had a snafu and hit bottom emotionally. The cool thing is that I bounced back the next day. I’m still a roller coaster but I’m not allowing the lows to rule my life. Finding that emotional middle ground is becoming easier. Especially with all the great people in my life.

This week I went to an Indians game and was wowed by Giambi’s homer. I enjoyed the game with a good friend and I got to experience a packed stadium. The energy was amazing. I absolutely adore sitting at a ball field. It’s wide open, there’s so much to see and for some reason I find it absolutely relaxing. If I could sit at Progressive Field everyday and watch a game I’d probably be so much more centered haha.

I had a phone interview for an internship and thought I bombed it because I was off my game and not very succinct. I said “Umm” a lot which is never helpful haha. Turns out I did ok, I have a face to face interview in a few weeks. It’s a small victory but I am very proud of myself. I think that’s the surprising thing is that I am actually proud of myself. I don’t need anyone else to give me a pat on the back because I already did it. Finding self worth is amazing.

The most fun I had this week was going to my cousin’s wedding and spending time with my family. It was wonderful seeing my cousin so happy and his wife was gorgeous. My older cousin, the groom’s older brother, was the best man. He gave a great toast. He talked about everything from the work it took to create a meaningful relationship with his brother to watching the friendship and love grow between the bride and groom. It was an off the cuff toast and he did a spectacular job.

I loath the bouquet toss but I went up there with my grandma. She claims she’s single and deserves to catch it. The woman is 81yrs old and it was kinda funny standing there with her, watching her giggle… We did not catch the bouquet… Thank God haha. I danced with my mom and my aunt. It was hilarious watching the two of them get down. Play that funky music white boy and Brickhouse were perfect songs for them to let loose to. Watching my mother’s version of interpretive dance is definitely laugh worthy but also fun. They then pretended to hobble off the dance floor in pain, much to the confusion to the surrounding people. Sometimes I forget that not everyone gets that family’s sense of humor. They’re eccentric to say the least.

I also talked to some family members about my blog. One of my aunts said some of the nicest things to me. She told me that she couldn’t see me working through all of this any other way. She told me that my words are eloquent without all the added drama… She may just give me a big head, but it made me feel good about myself. Another aunt and uncle expressed their outrage about my past and my current situation but they also support me 100% in my current journey. It feels good to see and feel the support. I am loved greatly. I was worried that people would frown on me putting myself out there publically, but I have support. More importantly, even if I didn’t have that support, I still know that I am doing the right thing for myself. I’m making progress. I’m becoming more resilient. I am gaining self worth. All of it is priceless. I had fun this week and it’s getting better.

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